Spring is Here: Time for a Tune-Up

We all wait anxiously for spring (ahem, when will it feel like it has really arrived?). After months of being cooped up, the children are anxious to run around. Spirits are high.

 
















In the classroom, we have hit our stride. The children are comfortable with each other, friendships have formed, strengthened, maybe shifted. They “get” me and my expectations. We can talk in shorthand as we work together on projects, share insights about books, and have meals together. We share comic bits and inside jokes.  
 

By spring, the group has become a family, with strong connections and a level of comfort that helps us run like a machine. This level of comfort can also mean that the children break off into little networks that pull them away from the larger group—social preferences are acted on. This is the time of year that I revisit discussions about exclusion in our work and play.

In eight years of teaching 2-3s at Parker, I have noticed a pattern in the classroom’s social life: spring means it’s time to tune up our interactions. Right now, I am working with the children to to reconnect as a whole group, stretch social wings, and reassert our responsibilities to each other. So how do we do this?

 

 

First, I raised the issue of social exclusion in a class meeting. I talked about how all human beings like to belong, like to be in groups they find comfortable. These groups we form often mean that we've left others out. I saw lots of nodding heads. I stressed that they'll work their whole lives to balance out their strong connections with some friends while also staying open to others. I presented some typical examples of exclusion that I have witnessed over the years. We discussed these examples as a class. We discussed why good people sometimes make decisions that keep others out. I asked the children to raise their hands if they’ve ever felt excluded. Each one of us raised our hands.

 

We then played a game I picked up from Scholastic’s website:

 

The Tight Hands Game. This game gives children a metaphor for discussing inclusion and exclusion. The group held hands in a circle. One volunteer, the “outsider,” was instructed to try to get into the circle through spaces between people. Our outsider knew that everyone else would try to keep her out,  but everyone committed to being gentle when blocking. They all were.

 

After playing a bit, I asked:

* What did it feel like to be an outsider?

* What did it feel like to block our friend from getting in?

No one felt comfortable with his/her actions in this game which led to an excellent exchange about personal experiences feeling on the outside. Others hypothesized about why people make decisions to exclude. We all agreed that every individual had a responsibility to stop acts of exclusion, remind our friends to stay open to others, and to take chances ourselves and play with other friends.

 

Over the next several weeks, the children will be asked to sit at their home bases for lunch a few times a week, and to make efforts to connect/reconnect with other friends in the room besides their typical circles. 

As I continue to raise our commitment to inclusion, the children sometimes tell me these discussions bring up guilty feelings. I assure them that they are only human and are allowed to make social moves they regret later. What's important is that they learn each time. This discomfort is okay. This is a sign we need to keep the topic alive. This is really hard work.

I strive to have lots of give-and-take and idea-sharing in our conversations, as opposed to me lecturing. When children share their experiences and emotions, they are helping to develop empathy in others and soften those tight circles.  

 

These whole class discussions have also spurred some private small group conversations to iron out hard feelings about exclusion. In addition, Darcy is also following up in Health class and P.E., hosting conversations and games to promote whole group ties. It’s been a fruitful couple of weeks.

 

I know how important this issue is to all of you. Here are some ideas, if you need them, to help you reinforce what we’re up to at school: 

• Gently remind your child that you expect him/her to be inclusive…to look up and out from his/her typical circle, and to proactively engage many peers in their play.
• Give examples of how you included others in your games as you were growing up.
• Rehearse how to remind a friend to include others—confronting a friend is high stakes, but peer-to-peer encouragement is hugely powerful. 
• Have your child set up a plan to spark or refresh a connection with a peer. Follow up, reinforce and encourage more of this with other peers.
• Create opportunities – play dates—for your child to spend time with classmates that would expand her/his social circle.

This is a powerful and dynamic group. Remember, this group has an ease with each other that is remarkable. This social work is all about making them even stronger.